Beat It 2010

New Year's Eve is approaching and I'm getting giddy. Not just to party with my pants off (I'll be wearing a dress), but also to give 2010 the finger, and move on. Sure, 2010 had its ups: Ireland, China, Aruba, and a fabulous new pair of sunglasses. But lately, I feel like I've been tossed overboard and left to drown. Dramatic? Maybe. But with my recent run-in with a pile of rocks, it became painfully clear that this year must end. And, what better way to wish it good ridden, then to flaunt a dress full sparkles, some 4 inch heels, and party...like it's 1999.

The Dress: Tinseltown, by French Connection

The Shoes: Luxe, by Franco Sarto

The Shades: Ray Ban Wayfarer

(So 2010 won't know who's flipping the bird).

China: The Fourth Email

9:10 AM CST on Thursday, Sept. 16th, 9:10 PM HKT on Thursday, Sept 16th Weigh! Today was another day of visiting factories. Another day, new adventures. We revisited the Dangwing factory. On Tuesday, we had asked them to make a few changes to the samples they produced for us. We had to inspect them today. They did good. Then we went to Bright Harvest Company. We didn’t take a factory tour because we work with them so much. Since we are their biggest customer, Ted trusts the factory and didn’t need to see anything. Instead, we went to lunch… I do not understand how Chinese people are so thin. At first, I thought it was because they used chop sticks, and put once piece of food in their mouth at a time. But, here, chop sticks are used more like shovels, herding as much food into their mouths as possible. They eat big meals too, and everything is served family style on a lazy Susan. Today we ate chicken feet, fish head, tofu, shrimp, crab noodles, fried rice, Chinese pie, steamed spinach, and spicy beef. No, I did not try the chicken feet. In fact, I tried not to look at the chicken feet. The fish head came fully intact. It looked like it had been dropped into a pot of boiling water screaming (just keep swimming, just keep swimming). Then there was the shrimp. I am pretty sure these were also dunked into a pot of boiling water alive. They came served with their feet, their heads with eyeballs, their tentacles, everything they needed to survive. I politely turned the lazy Susan past me, which prompted the waitress to come serve the shrimp to me. Two shrimp, on my plate, staring at me with their black beady eyes. Instead of pushing them aside, I did what any good communist would do. I ripped off their heads, stripped them of their shell, their feet, their dignity and ate them. They were so good, so I helped myself to two more! Then there was the Chinese pie. This was not a dessert, but a sesame pie filled with Chinese ingredients I could not identify. It was baked on a doily that made the pie hard to retrieve with my chopsticks. It was a slippery little sucker too. As I struggled to get the pie onto my plate, I hear “Come Chao, Sa Da Ma! Ya Ya, Ooodang La!” or something along those lines. I look up, and John, the Dangwing factory owner, is motioning to Champion, our driver, to put the pie on my plate for me. Before I knew it, Champion leaps to my rescue. I am sure I turned bright red. Damn those chop sticks and my lack of coordination. Thank god they didn’t offer me a fork! Over the past three days, I have experienced a lot of Chinese customs. They are very polite. They always open the doors for me, constantly make sure I have something to drink, and make up my hotel room every time I leave. They also love to say thank you, shake your hand, wave good bye, and nod a lot. Then there are the more unique traditions. When you cheers, you are supposed to chug your drink. John loved to cheers at lunch. He also loved to chug his beer. Ted informed me that I don’t need to chug my beer or my tea, I can just politely take a sip. Glad I could be an exception to the rule, I didn’t want to be carried out of the restaurant at noon. Another interesting custom are the hot napkins you are served at meal time. The first one is for your hands, the second is for your face. Why do you need to wipe off your face before you eat?? I did not take part in this activity. No need for me to eat without my make-up on, I don’t want to upset anyone’s stomach! Ok I am exhausted, we leave for Hong Kong in the morning. I can’t wait! Good bye my beautiful hotel. Love you! Lauren PS – I think I have found the root cause of pollution. It does not come from the factories, but from Chinese food. The gas I was emitting last night after dinner definitely polluted my room. If they just change their diets, and try not to serve foreigners their local fare, and all smog issues will be solved. PSS – ‘Weigh’ means hi in Chinese. ‘Mayo-tea’ means no problem. And, ‘Nigga’ must mean something along the lines of like or um because they use that word all the time. I would strongly advise against any Chinamen hanging around the south side of Chicago. PSSS – I never want to eat Chinese food again.

China: The Third Email

10:17 AM CST on Wednesday, Sept. 15th, 11:17 PM HKT on Wednesday, Sept 15th

Hello!! Today we visited two more factories. The first one was closed because the power was shut off. Apparently the government shuts down power every Wednesday in Songgang Town to conserve energy. China is so “green,” not! We were still able to see their showroom. It was mostly upholstered dining chairs, nothing super impressive. The factory did have 3 dogs though, and when I asked our agent, Charlie, about them, this is how the conversation went: Me: Are the dogs nice? Charlie: Yes, the factory owner has many dogs, and he plays basketball. Even though he 50 year old, he is still the number one pitcher. Me: Oh, I see (smile and nod). Needless to say, I did not approach the dogs to try to pet them because I still wasn’t sure if they were nice. Then we went to Best Factory Funiture Company (no, that’s not a typo, it’s how they spelled furniture on all of their buildings and signs). They must think furniture is FUN! Best Factory Funiture is a huge supplier to Target and Wal-mart. The factory was way bigger than any other we had visited, and pretty nice. We work with them quite a lot. Jack, the factory owner is very nice and very intelligent, but speaks no English. Most of the business and negoiating is done in Chinese. Charlie has a conversation with the factory owners for 5 minutes, then translates to us for a minute, and then goes back and talks to them for another 5 minutes. Maybe English is a shorter language? I try to stay engaged in conversation by nodding and smiling and laughing when they laugh, but it is hard and my mind wanders. I find myself wondering why Chinese sounds like gibberish, and do they think English sounds like gibberish? Then “Chinese, Japanese, Dirty knees, Look at these” pops into my head. At this point, I snap myself out of it and re-convince myself to try to listen. Maybe I will pick up the language?? Maybe not. I spend most of my time in the car silently sounding out the names of each Chinese factory. For example, yesterday we passed Apachingko. Clearly this must be a packing company. Today we passed Resin. I would not advertise Resin, but maybe pot smoking is ok in China? Of course, a lot of the signs don’t have any English letters, so I try to figure out what they are advertising. The sign with the black bear must be for the zoo, and the sign with a Chinese girl in a fur coat must be for a mall (although I have seen no malls in China). The others just have Chinese letters so every sign probably advertises something different – lawyers, Chinese food, gas stations and rest stops, I’m sure. Things I saw from the road today: A pig truck – this is not your normal semi carrying farm animals. This is a small U-Haul sized truck with a pig pen on the back of it. I was informed that you do not drive to close to pig trucks “because pigs shit on the windshield.” A gas station – we stopped to fill up and, I kid you not, the gas station was so busy, they actually have a security guard directing traffic. I am pretty sure they give out free boxes of Kleenex too, because everyone leaving the station had a blue box of tissues on their dashboard, including us! A Duck Farm – a tiny plot of land on a lake with millions of white ducks. They eat a lot of duck here, more on that later. Fire Trucks – they look the same here, except for the Chinese writing on the side of the red trucks. They only thing different is that the firemen ride around shirtless (no, I was not watching x-rated television, but this is definitely something I could get used to back home!) Now for the most interesting part of my day: dinner. Charlie ordered the meal again, as he did last night. We had tofu and shrimp soup, bok choy, turnip wrapped pastries, lettuce wraps, white fish, seafood Chinese noodles, fried noodles, and other things I cannot pronounce/have no idea what they were. But, let me not forget the Peking Duck. I will start with a description of the duck. It came fully intact, duck beak, feet and all (no feathers). The whole duck was marinated in peking sauce and fried. The chef came and sliced up the duck next to the table, so at least I wasn’t staring Daffy in the face the whole meal. I think I turned white when I saw it because Ting (Charlie’s assistant) told me I looked scared. Clearly, I was not going to try the duck. The first thing that was brought to the table were these delicious looking wraps, filled with vegetables and some tasty sauce. It wasn’t until I was half through my second wrap that I realized that tasty sauce was actually duck skin. I didn’t finish the second. Then came the lettuce wraps. They looked like they were filled with chicken and veggies, much like the ones at PF Changs. Looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, actually duck meat. Didn’t finish that one either.

Alright, that is all I have for today, more to come tomorrow! Unfortunately, I am not getting that many pictures because I don’t want to be rude and take pictures of the food and when we are in the car, it is moving so fast, they are turning out blurry. But I have pictures of the factories, and some scenery to show you! Love you! Lauren

China: The Second Email

9:36 AM CST on Tuesday, Sept. 14th, 10:36 PM HKT on Tuesday, Sept 14th Hello!!! Today we went to two factories, one new and one that we are currently using. The first factory was very clean and pretty small, however they do huge volume. They are making the fold out couch that is on Target’s end cap right now. This is also the factory that made some of the dining chairs I designed. They do both wood furniture and upholstery. The second factory was Dangwing. This is the factory that makes our our accent chairs. It was bigger than the first and had more of what I expected (numerous sewing machine lines, huge wood shop, etc.). It wasn’t as clean as the first, and definitely not as nice. But, neither factory was anything like I expected. I pictured huge factories with thousands of employees working right next to each other, with long assembly lines...a NIKE sweatshop. These were not as big, much cleaner and more spread out, 400 employees max. Thank God. The scenery is different than I imagined as well. China is very green with lots of small mountains. From the highway, the countryside is prettier and less polluted. I guess today was a “good day” in regards to pollution because you could see blue sky. Apparently this is rare (maybe happens 10 days a year). Usually it is a hazy brown. While the landscape is nice to look at, there are electrical lines and metal towers EVERYWHERE – on top of mountains, across the highways, next to buildings, everywhere. As you get closer to the factories, you can tell the cities are crowded and pretty dirty. All the local stores look like they sell the same stuff. I’m sure they don’t, but I can’t read Chinese. Hopefully I will get to go in some stores in Dongguang or ShenZhen for the experience. And, of course, to buy some stuff with Chinese writing on it (souvenirs!!). As for driving, I am pretty sure there are no set laws to obey. Each lane appears to have a different speed limit and I think you are supposed to flash your lights whenever you pass someone. Every 10 miles or so, there is a stalled truck in the middle lane. This seems to be the norm, people just swerve around it. Everyone cuts everyone off. I often brace myself for impact, and the inevitable accident I will be involved in. I try to distract myself by reading the traffic signs that have been translated into English. My two favorites so far are “Many Accidents Happen That Neighborhood” and “Rear End Collisions, Keep Safe Behind.” Bikes are allowed on the highways. They are probably the most popular form of transportation here. You can either bike with traffic, or against it. Most bikes are used to haul crap from one place to another. They are equipped with umbrellas too. To paint you a picture, there will be people biking the wrong way down the highway, with huge loads of who-knows-what strapped to the back of their bike, all the while using a colorful umbrella to shade themselves. It is quite the spectacle. Food – eh. Breakfast was really good, the options were endless at the hotel. Dinner was a different story. I thought I might have to starve. All I know is that the chicken comes served with bones in it and the shrimp comes fully intact with a head, shell and feet. Once I got over the look of the shrimp, it actually turned out to be pretty good – very spicy. I also ate fried celery and black fungus (yum!), tofu with fish (ew), pork stuffed egg plant, and wontons. I was really excited for the wontons but there was no cream cheese inside, just shrimp. Where is Lee Ann Chin when I need her? It’s gift giving season here, so when we leave the factories, we find gifts in the trunk. The first factory gave us huge papayas . I was then informed that “Papaya is good for digestion, makes it easier.” So, I’ll add that to my grocery list when I get home. Love you guys! Have a good Tuesday! Lauren

China: The First Email

My boss just got back from spending a week in China. Although he didn't bring me with him this time, he did bring me back my favorite candy...Hi-Chews. While eating these delicious peach flavored treats, I began to reminisce about my trip this past September. Instead of boring you with my scattered memories, I thought I would share the emails I sent to my family while I was abroad. Here is the first of four. Don't judge me, being a foreigner is hard. 7:42 PM CST on Monday, Sept. 13th, 8:42 AM HKT on Tuesday, Sept 14th Good morning from China! Hope you had a good Monday! The hotel I am staying at is amazing!! I have a bathtub on my balcony?!? You know those 'happy pill' commercials where the people always somehow wind in a bathtub in the woods? If I use it, it will be like, but I will be alone on a balcony overlooking a river. This place is insane. Today we are going to visit two factories, I will take pictures. I haven’t seen much of China yet, so I don’t have a lot to report, except that everything is in Chinese. Not sure what I was expecting, but there is very little English, even Google shows up in Chinese! Basically, I am going to smile and nod a lot. I can’t even understand anything when they speak English to me. It’s worse than getting a manicure at Precious Nails. For example, I wanted my AC turned off last night. So, when the bellhop brought up my bag, I asked him to turn it down. Instead, he showed me how to connect my computer to the Internet. I had to show him I was cold my rubbing my arms and saying brrrrr. Oh, one last thing. I was chatting with this girl who was waiting for the Dongguang ferry with us. I casually asked her if she was from the area. She was from Mexico. Not sure how I confused a Mexican with an Asian, but I am learning…SLOWLY. Love you! Lauren (or askdflsajfh in Chinese)

Behind the Times

I know, I know, I have been delinquent. I am behind on my blogging. While I feel bad at it, I feel worse for just learning the following:

• Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus are the same person
• Desperate Housewives is still on
• Heidi and Spencer got divorced
• Justin Beaver's last name is actually Bieber
• Rachel Zoe has her own TV show
• Ashlee Simpson still exists, had a kid, and got a bad haircut
• LeAnn Rimes is a home wrecker…although I am not sure whose home she wrecked
• Dakota Fanning is old enough to drive, has been for a year
• Heidi and Spencer are renewing their vows

Now that I am caught up on Hollywood, and feeling a bit old, I can fully devote myself to catching up on my blog.

JCrew, You're Killing Me.

Jcrew. Please. Stop. Your winter collection is full of must haves. It's the perfect combination of the two things I love most: leather and sequins. Go ahead, just take my money and run. Sorry family, sorry friends, no Christmas presents for you this year. I'm spending all my money at JCrew.

Love List:

A jacket so yummy I could wear it everyday.

Especially if I could throw on my fave pair of ripped jeans and this sparkly top to compliment.

And can I add this skirt to my wardrobe? The knee highs too...

Then pair it with a cream colored basic and the boots below.

Toss in this purse, and I may start to drool...

Okay JCrew, do me a favor and ask my boss for a raise. I think I'm about to go broke.

Monday.

If Godzilla represents Monday, consider me this golden retriever...

Mr. October

I know, it's a little late to the jump on the Gossip Girl train (3 years late to be exact), but I just did. Over the past few months, I've dedicated my time and effort to catching up on life in the Upper East Side. And, I've fallen in love. Not just with the lifestyle, but with an empire. Congratulations Chuck Bass, you are my Mr. October.

Now, I want to make this perfectly clear. I am not interested in Ed Westwick, the man who plays Chuck Bass, I am infatuated with the idea of an actual Chuck Bass. Let me tell you why. I'll get the obvious out of the way...Chuck Bass is loaded. He has more money than Donald Trump, and he's not afraid to spend it. He frequents Cartier, buys only custom suits, and has not qualms about dropping a grand on a Tuesday night dinner. Did I mention he cruises around Manhattan in his own stretch limo? He also has great taste in art and I am obsessed with the way he has decorated his penthouse.

But, money can't buy you love, right? Good thing Chuck Bass is also deliciously good looking. And, although he is a bit of a tramp, somewhat mischievous, and more than a little shallow, I would still love to be an accessory on his arm. It's too bad the real Chuck Bass doesn't exist...

You Smell Like A Gay Man

**Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Although my guess is that they're not that innocent.** "You smell like a gay man." "Excuse me?" "Did you just hug my boyfriend? Because you smell like a gay man." This is how my conversation started with two of our buyers from a retail store out east. Paul and James are probably two of the most fabulous buyers I know, and quite possibly the most flamboyant. Whenever they come into our showroom, it's a Broadway production. Usually Paul starts by picking on my outfit: "Look at you Miss Thang. I know you put that outfit on just to attract the boys, you're such a little slut." "Since when do black pants make anyone a slut?" "Since forever! It's the way you walk in them. I can hear it now... 'Boys!! Boys!! Over here! Please check me out while I sit on this chaise.' You totally troll the hallways too." "Paul, that's your job, not mine." "Touche. Oooooo!!! I love that chair! I'll take two!" Paul and James usually stay for at least an hour, and the conversation sways back and forth. From the diamond tufts on our chairs, to Paul's try out for HGTV, then onto the velvets and faux silks, and back again to Paul getting cut from HGTV. Round and round we go. But then, the conversation dramatically comes to a halt. It's like Paul and James are two minds in one. They whisper, argue, then laugh. A mischievous look comes across both faces, and I know a pitch is coming: Paul: "Wouldn't be totally fabulous if you created a corner chair with button tufts in that shiny new blue velvet you showed us?" James: "It would need a contrasting welt, I am thinking green." Paul: "Absolutely, green and blue, totally hot. Let's add green buttons too!" James: "Ummm, yes please!" Paul: "And if it is totally fabulous, I can feature it in my next try out for HG." James: "Seriously Paul! Cool it for the day! I've heard enough from you." In unison, they ask: "Can we do it? Pretty please? Paul: "With a cherry!" James: "Ooo and I'll add whip cream!" Me: "Of course, you both know we'll do anything for you." (This is always my answer. As Paul taught me a few markets back, you never want to upset The Gays...his words, not mine). Toward the end of our appointment, Paul and James ask us questions, mostly the name brand designers we work with. Paul starts: "How is what's his name? Still working for Oprah? What a sellout." "Nate Berk..." James interrupts me. "Don't mention his name around me until he fixes that hair. I can't even look at him." Paul: "Let's change the subject, shall we? What's with The Muscle Gay? The one who heads up that whole operation down south. We've emailed with him and all his exclamation points and flirty xoxo signature. I pictured him more like...well...me. There isn't a chance hell I could have picked him out of a straight man's line-up!" I just laugh. Actually, I haven't stopped laughing since they walked into our showroom. He goes on: "Now, you ladies introduce me to that Jonathon when you get the chance, and I have a few questions for Carlton V as well. Also, please tell Mr. Banks that I love his plaid suits, but I wouldn't buy his plaid chairs, no offense to you guys. Oh, and snub Nate for me too." At this point, James is rolling his eyes. "PAUL! ENOUGH, WE'RE LATE! These girls have wasted our time." Both men gasp. "No really, we love you, but look at all those cute boys out in the hall. Little Miss Thang needs to get back to her post. Tootles!!" And just like that, they're gone. My abs will hurt all week from the laughter.

Backflash to '04.

I found a this old magazine in our showroom. Let's revisit October 2004, shall we?

Nick Lachey and J Simps had just gotten married and were in the middle of taping the first season of Newly Weds. If only I could go back and warn them...Your marriage wont survive season 3! Buffalo wings are made out of chicken!! Please, turn off the cameras!!! MTV's "Rock The Vote" campaign was in full swing. Bush v. Kerry. Let's not even go there. JT and Cameron Diaz were dating. It was speculated that Brit Brit was "headed for trouble" when she proposed to K Fed. Or should we call him Fed Ex? Avril Lavigne turned 21, Usher thought he was cool, and Mischa Barton was Hollywood's 'It Girl.' But don't worry, most stars were JUST like us. To prove it, Paris Hilton put on lip gloss and Nicole Richie tied her own shoes. Lindsay Lohan's only issue was her parent's disapproving of her relationship with Wilmer Valderrama. That, and her cat fight with Hillary Duff... Reese Witherspoon hadn't even considered a date with Jake Gyllenhaal. He was still with Kristen Dunst. Now he's with...no one? And lastly, Eminem was looking like a bad ass when he posed for this locker-sized poster. You better believe it's hanging up in my hotel room. The cleaning ladies must like him too, he's been up there since Thursday!

The Pink Ribbon Bagel

I cannot believe I just ate my first of the month today. This bagel is glorious. Cherry vanilla flavored, and shaped like a ribbon, it will melt in your mouth. I think Green Day wrote their song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" while craving this bagel. Only available in October, the bagel a delicious limited addition. It serves a purpose too. Panera offers the Pink Ribbon bagel in support of breast cancer awareness month. 25 cents of every bagel sold is donated to the fight against breast cancer. Eating to support a cause? I'm in!

Trust me, this bagel...paired perfectly with Panera's hazelnut coffee...is the perfect way to start your Saturday mornings this month. But hurry up! October is halfway over, and you'll miss it when it's gone.

It Feels Like Home To Me

As I deboarded the plane in North Carolina this morning, the song Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk (who?) immediately popped into my head. Over the past two years, I've spent close to 3 months in High Point, NC. Between the furniture markets and the fabric shows, High Point has definitely become my home away from home. The second I get off the plane, a huge smile appears on my face. I know I am going to see one of two things, either a group of good ol' southern boys, with popped collars, engaging in a conversation I cannot translate, or an ocersized woman dressed in some ridiculous get-up. Today was no disappointed. I was greeted by the sight of a woman dressed in a fluorescent pink glitter top and sequined blue jeans, wearing bright lime green cowboy hat. Nope, it doesn't get any better than this.

Our drive from the Raleigh airport to High Point is always quite peaceful. There is something comforting about driving down tree-lined highways speckled with Waffle Houses and Biscuitvilles. We always stop to load up on greasy food before we hit the showroom. Today, we stopped for cheeseburgers and onion rings. The only beverage offered was sweet tea, but as usual, I could stomach the thought.

As we arrive in High Point and walk to our showroom, we see a handful of locals we've come to know. Conversations usually start with "well I heard from my neighbor, who's also my cousin that..." or "it's down right awful but Dorothy Sue said..." And, of course, I find myself responding with a soft southern accent of my own. "Dorothy Sue said what? You outta be kiddin me." It's then that I realize, ahh yes, I'm Home Sweet Home.

Join me in the chorus, will you? It feels like home to me, It feels like home to me. It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from. It feels like hoome to me, it feels like hoooome to meeee. It feels like I'm allll the waaay back where I beeelonnnnngg!

Buy the Shoes.

While perusing the book section in Target late Friday afternoon, I came across Eat the Cookie...Buy the Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up. I know you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I could tell I liked Joyce Meyer. Instead of buying the book, I read into the title. Of course I should be giving myself permission to lighten up! You see, I'll usually buy the shoes, but I rarely eat the cookie. The realization changed my entire weekend plans. I spent all Saturday and most of Sunday giving myself permission. I gave myself permission to buy the cropped black pants from Gap and a cute tweed mini skirt from J-Crew. I gave myself permission to buy a few long sleeves from Michael Stars and new leopard print flats from Target. I even gave myself permission to buy new make-up from Benefit and an awesome new nail polish from MAC. It wasn't until late last night that I realized I left the cookies on the shelf. I guess some of us will never change. But, thanks for the advice Joyce, what a great weekend! I hope I made you proud! Partially proud anyway...

Hello.

As I strolled down Lake Shore Drive last night, I realized Fall is in full effect. The trees are changing colors, Oak Street Beachstro was taken down, and Castaways is quiet. I know its October, but it all happened so fast. As I realized summer had come to a close, I began to run down my list of things I wanted to do or accomplish over the season: Read Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang...check. Grow out my hair...check . Ride the Navy Pier Farris Wheel...$25?!?, cross off list Go on a yacht...check. Terrorize Chicago by bike...check. Green City Farmers Market...check. Look like Blake Lively... Visit PURE Michigan...check. Party like a rock star at all 7 weddings...check. Concert at Ravinia...check. Add stamps to my passport, China - Ireland...check. check. Start a blog...shit. In a last ditch effort to complete my summer 'To-Do' list, here goes nothing. I am starting a blog. Enjoy.